my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
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For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize