hotel room ftw
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Randomize
