Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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