Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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