Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
