Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
