If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
