haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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