What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons