Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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