I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover