I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
