I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
