I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
