i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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