the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
