He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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