Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
