Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
