My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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