Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pop tarts are not kleenex
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
where are my eyebrows?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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