i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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