I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
