i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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