That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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