why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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