We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
