it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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