Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
