i don't like sucking hair
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
