Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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