There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
