so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
