don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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