I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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