I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Dick very happy bro
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
