Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
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Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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