somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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