I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
