I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
