I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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