How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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