i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
