Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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