he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Randomize
