I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Houston, we have a squirter
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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