I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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