I can't watch pbs sober anymore
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
