Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
