Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
