Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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