also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
