doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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