Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
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