Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
