Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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