Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
