I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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