quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
