No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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