i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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