Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
