Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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