I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
